We do some small talk, and it is immediately apparent that while his appearance suggests extreme awkwardness, Woods is a master of chit-chat. Woods’s humor doesn’t steamroll the people around him. Talking to him is like scoring the smart kid as a lab partner: He’s doing all the work, but you feel smarter by osmosis. He grabs hold of an ordinary thing that you say, then sculpts it into something funny in a way that makes you feel like you, too, are hilarious. I tell him that I wish I could be more assertive when I park, and he nods seriously. “One time I was in Studio City and I saw a high school student get out of a Porsche at a sushi restaurant, toss his keys to the valet, and go in to eat sushi,” Woods says. “If I had been that kid then, what level of douchery would I have risen to by now? That guy was like a dickhead prodigy. Where does that leave you to go, if you’re heading in that direction so young? You have to get into actual moral crimes by the middle of your adulthood. If I had started that way, I’d probably be an arms dealer to questionable regimes.” The sushi teen makes several reappearances over the course of our interview, and each time I thrill over the fact that we share an inside joke. I’m supposed to be the one putting him at ease, but here he is, trying to make sure I have a fun time in our interview.

from Zach Woods in the Woods (Lauren Larson, GQ)